The Contrarian: Sea Turtles

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An entry from Willie Brant’s diary:

Ran out of Eno’s heartburn medicine last night, have to stop eating so many tomatoes, but they are so good this time of year. Heading for town to get more Eno’s, stopped to see if Joe wanted anything, found him with his head stuck in his big old Encyclopedia.

“Hey, just in time for breakfast”, from him, as he slapped a coffee mug on the table and a frying pan on the stove. “So what are you studying this time of day?” from me.

“Oh, that”, looking at the big old book, “I was just boning up on sea turtles, have you been watching the turtle tale unfold?” “Nope, try not to watch news; all the silliness rots my brain. So would that be C turtles, as in not class A or B, or Sea turtles?”

Joe ignored that one, and went on “Well, it seems somebody took a picture of a Sea turtle with a drinking straw sticking out of his eye, it went viral on the internet, and now everybody is worried about drinking straws destroying the environment!”

“Seems to me if a turtle is dumb enough to get a straw stuck in his eye, we are helping the environment by removing him from the gene pool. So what now?” was my offering. Joe replied “Well, it’s gone so far that the city of San Francisco has banned plastic drinking straws, in fact if a waitress gives you a plastic straw she faces a tougher penalty than if she murders her mother-inlaw, or almost anyway.

Of course that is in California, I notice some of the pundits I follow have taken to calling California the biggest insane asylum in the history of the world”, then he went on, “But it shows the power of a well-done photograph to make a serious impression”.

I offered “But is it for real? Surely no turtle is that dumb. Maybe it was posed, we seem to be seeing a lot of that lately in the fake news!” Joe thought for a minute, and offered that conspiracy theorists would love my idea; maybe it is a posed fake. A company has just come out with a drinking straw made of candy, so after you drink your ton-of-sugar drink you finish off by eating the straw.

A good conspiracy theory would be they sponsored the picture to get the ball rolling on their product taking over from plastic. As Joe slapped a couple of plates of fried eggs on the table he wound up with “anyway there is a lot of stuff going into the oceans that shouldn’t, even the City of New York sends out barge loads of unsorted household garbage and dumps it at sea.

So maybe something good comes out of this by publicizing that kind of stupidity, even if it rots our livers by adding sugar straws to our diet. Always look on the bright side.”

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